Worst. Person. Ever.: A Novel

By Douglas Coupland

Raymond Gunt loves to give some thought to himself as a fine looking first rate guy—he believes in supporting his fellow guy and all that different good things. yes, he might be foulmouthed, sometimes misogynistic, and simply usually rub humans the inaccurate way—through no fault of his personal! So with the entire confident strength he’s developing, it’s a bit confusing to think about the new downward spiral his existence has taken….

An unemployed B-unit cameraman, Gunt accepts his ex-wife’s provide to shoot a Survivor-style truth express on an vague island within the Pacific. by some means, Gunt suffers a number of comas and unjust imprisonment, and is compelled to reenact the “Angry Dance” from the motion picture Billy Elliott, between different tribulations and humiliations. may possibly the universe be attempting to inform him whatever?

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Raymond, you've got such mind's eye. ” She pulled me nearer by way of the belt and commenced to fondle my gentleman’s bits, that have been approximately as aroused as a small bag of sun-dried apricots. She stated, “Raymond? ” Gulp. “Yes? ” I close my eyes. She allow me move, yet then I heard her key contained in the cell’s lock. I swallowed, challenging. unexpectedly a harsh alarm started to clang. Jennifer screamed, “Shit! Why do the engineers desire me now, of all occasions? ” Blowing a kiss and mouthing, “Later,” she left me. In gratitude to the gods, I hit PLAY at the DVD and commenced to guidance my brains out. The chewing gum ban in Singapore used to be enacted in 1992 and very does ban the import and sale of chewing gum. The offense is punishable by means of caning. whilst first brought, the ban triggered open defiance, yet offenders have been publicly “named and shamed” via the govt to discourage different would-be smugglers. Origins: In his memoirs, former Singaporean major minister Lee Kuan Yew acknowledged that as early as 1983, chewing gum used to be inflicting critical upkeep difficulties in high-rise public housing. Vandals have been taking away spent gum in mailboxes, inside of keyholes and on elevator buttons. Chewing gum left on flooring, stairways, buses and pavements in public components elevated the price of cleansing and broken cleansing apparatus. besides the fact that, Lee idea ban will be too drastic and didn't take motion. In 1987, vandals caught chewing gum at the door sensors in a brand new $5 billion metro process. The doorways malfunctioned, inflicting disruption of teach companies. In January 1992, leading Minister Goh Chok Tong selected a flat-out ban. The import of chewing gum was once instantly halted, yet a cheap transition interval was once given to permit retailers to transparent their current shares. definite, this quite occurred. 21 Morning got here. Fucking hell. My toes have been cheese-gratered and bloody from an evening spent rehearsing the appalling regimen within which little Billy lugs his twinkle-toes up and down the bricks of a few failure-filled housing property, that is, within the movie, comfortably without crack ampoules, used condoms and surgically licked-clean crisp packets. I involuntarily dozed off at 11:30 a. m. , merely to be woken at midday by means of a gorilla of an MP. “Got orders to take you over to the canteen to your matinée functionality. ” The note “matinée” stuffed me with foreboding. used to be this all someway being engineered via Fiona? I stuck sight of myself in a reflect en path to the venue. now not my Bourne-iest second. i used to be hugely unshaven and putty grey—I suggest, how can that even ensue, epidermis turning gray? Blood is purple. How tough is it to not also be crimson? I requested the gorilla if i'd cease to shave, and naturally the reply used to be no. Fucking american citizens. I hobbled after him for possibly a quarter-mile to a small construction housing the canteen. The solar was once without delay overhead; I had no shadow. the outside humidity used to be like a proverbial rainy towel, and that i used to be quickly soaking wet in sweat. Now, i admire to provide existence a pass. i admire relations dinners. i admire to determine aged humans attempting their hand at portray even if they couldn’t potentially have a occupation prior to them simply because they’ll quickly be useless.

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